X-Force/Cable – Messiah War

I've run the maths and this cover is about 23% relevant to the interior.

There are so many problems with this comic that it’s hard to know where to start. Let’s try the title.

As the name suggests, this is a cross-over between secondary X-Men titles Cable and X-Force. I bought it for the Cable parts, a series which I’m (belatedly) following and enjoying to a decent degree. X-Force I couldn’t really give a toss about. There are two things wrong with the title though. First is that X-Force gets top billing. Why’s that a problem? Well, although this collects issues of X-Force as well as Cable, it’s not really about those characters. They’re in it and participate in the plot, but said plot almost entirely revolves around elements from Cable. The X-Force characters pop into Cable’s situation in a literal diversion from the ongoing story in their own comic. It should be Cable/X-Force. The other problem is calling it Messiah War. That’s a perfectly sufficient name, in theory. Trouble is Marvel already realised that and used it for the first volume of this Cable series (where it was woefully inaccurate). This means that if you’re following Cable in trades you need to read Messiah War, Waiting For The End Of The World and then Messiah War. Hmm.

Me Vs HMV Part 2

Because the first piece is pretty damn long and I wouldn’t want you to have to wade through it all to get to this rather meagre update that will probably be the end of it all. Not because HMV have owned up to making a mistake of course. No, because presumably they’re fed up of having to spare time making more crap up to email every week.

Dear Mr Smith

Thank you for your email on 13 July.

We have gone to considerable lengths to try to satisfy your complaint,

Yes, they’ve had to force 15 virtual pounds into my account and bother to reply to an email 6 days after I send it.

and we are sorry that you still feel that your complaint has not been resolved.

We have credited your online account with £15 and we hope that you will find something you wish to buy on our website.

Having made this payment, confirmed that we have raised this matter internally (i.e. to try to prevent this type of incident happening again) and also apologised to you,

Apologised for everything but the issue in question

I trust you will appreciate why we need to draw a line under this correspondence.

Because you’ve run out of tenuous excuses and falsehoods? Just a guess.

Yours sincerely

Zxxx Exxx

store customer service advisor

But I’m not going to let them have the last word, even if they’ve decided to put their hands over their ears and shout LALALALALALA I’M NOT LISTENING ANY MORE.

I fully understand why you’re drawing a line under this correspondence. It’s because your company is too craven to actually own up to making a mistake and properly admitting to and apologising for it. You’ve apologised for everything but the initial error that caused this whole thing.

I apologise for the confusion surrounding your initial enquiry

an apology for the confusion surrounding this issue.

I do hope that you will forgive us for the delay in our response to you.

I would also like to apologise for the lack of response

I would like to offer my sincerest apologies for this  misunderstanding.

We apologise for the confusion.

You’ve continually tried to fob me off like some petty simpleton annoyance with ridiculous, contrary and increasingly desperate excuses that stretch the bounds of believability so far I’m surprised that they haven’t snapped back and hit you in the face. Your correspondence paints your company in the eyes of any reasonable person either as liars or incompetents. You can stuff you bloody hush money, as I have no intention of further dealing with a merchant whose word I cannot at all trust. In fact, I will be going out of my way to inform any and all who will listen of HMV’s contemptible bull-shitting condescension and dishonest approach to business, including an online summary of all the correspondence I’ve had to wade through in the vain hope of getting a proper apology and admission of error from you.

Martin S Smith

Not that I expect any response from that. So I leave you all with this humble plea. Please, all of you, don’t shop with HMV any more. They’re shit. Their customer service is slow and patronising, they seem to have a desperate aversion to the truth and they’re just fucking expensive. By all means wander into their High Street stores and look at things you might want to buy, but go home and order it off a decent merchant, like Amazon or Play.

In short, fuck HMV.

Me Vs HMV

It is the year 2011. Specifically May 2011. Rockstar’s latest opus, LA Noire is released to the UK and rave reviews on 20^th May 2011. This poor blogger hadn’t pre-ordered it though, because well, money’s a bit tight at the moment. Instead, I was holding out for a decent deal or for LoveFilm to send me a rental copy of the game, whichever happened first.

Batgirl Rising

I'm not the only one that sees that she's quite obviously falling, am I?

This September, DC will be rebooting Batgirl, along with every other title it publishes, returning Barbara Gordon to the role, presumably magically removing her disability along the way (though a wheelchair-bound Batgirl would certainly be an interesting direction). This is not that comic, though I will most probably end up talking about it later. Instead, this is the first volume of the last Batgirl relaunch, from late 2009.

Batgirl Rising stars Stephanie Brown as the new Batgirl. Stephanie has a history of Bat related vigilantism, having previously been Spoiler and even Robin for a brief spell. She’s a fun character and deserving of her own title finally. So, new series, new Batgirl – perfect for new readers, right?

Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare

There will be minor/vague spoilers for Red Dead Redemption proper in here.

That actually looks more like Marston than the original cover did.

There was, upon announcement of this slice of downloadable expansion for Rockstar’s western epic, a fair amount of eye-rolling, not least from myself. ‘Oh joy. Zombies. That hasn’t been done before.’

Nonetheless, given that Red Dead Redemption was probably the best game of 2010, I was intrigued enough to check Undead Nightmare out. Although I sold my copy of RDR upon completion, so had to settle for renting this stand-alone expansion disc version.

Backdoor Pilot

For those unaware, backdoor pilot is a TV industry term. It refers to productions, usually episodes of existing shows or TV movies, that are used as surreptitious pilots for new shows. Examples include the 90s Doctor Who TV Movie and the Gilmore Girls episode Here Comes The Son and CSI Miami and New York. I thought I’d clarify that before any vulgar alternatives formed in your mind.

The backdoor pilot can be a very odd occurrence though, used to try and spin-off the most unlikely of characters into their own series. The Simpsons episode Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase lampooned this brilliantly, by showing mock suggestions of ludicrous spin-offs from their show, such as an 80s style, New Orleans basedm action detective show starring Chief Wiggum and Principal Skinner.

This is the first in an occasional series where I plan to take a twisted look at existing episodes of TV shows and view them as backdoor pilots for unlikely characters. And we’re going to start off with Doctor Who. Specifically the worst episode of the new iteration of Doctor Who, Fear Her, because it’s got to be good for something, right?

Pokemon Black

Chances are the Special Edition will either be 'Grey' or 'Read All Over'.

As is often the case with video game reviews on this blog, this is presented with a hint of reserve. I’ve not yet finished this game, though I’ve sunk about twenty hours into it and I’m about two thirds of the way through the main quest. Also I haven’t been able to touch any of the multiplayer elements because a) I don’t know anyone else with a copy and b) my DS doesn’t like my wireless network. Anyway, with the lack of a decent segue into the review proper, I’m just going to cut short thi-

Final Crisis

Superman was there like a shot to comfort Batman through his indigestion.

To be honest, I was expecting this to be something of a train wreck. DC’s big event comics are a mangy breed, many of them reviled by their own fanbase, let alone everyone else. Not only is this a DC event, but it’s a Crisis, a sub-brand of DC events almost that guarantees it’s going to be less than straight forward. Especially as this is written by Grant Morrison. Don’t get me wrong, Grant Morrison nearly always has great ideas. The trouble is they don’t always make great comics.

I was surprised that I actually found Final Crisis enjoyable. Enjoyable, but far from perfect.

Penny Arcade 6: The Halls Below

This cover would have made more sense with the Cthulhu Christmas story, the one in the previous volume.

I like Penny Arcade. Lots of people do. It’s like a damn conspiracy or something. Some of said people are relatively famous or important and get to write forewords to printed collections of the webcomic, with interesting stories about how they started reading it.

I am not and do not, which is handy, because I don’t have an interesting anecdote. I don’t even remember when or how I started reading Penny Arcade. All I know is that there was a time when I used the internet without reading it and then a time where I did. Reading Penny Arcade M-W-F weekly is as ingrained in me as checking my email and avoiding Ain’t It Cool News. So, in a way it’s a tricky thing to review. It’s like reviewing clouds or oxygen or the concept of bookcases.

The Magicians

What’s this, a magic show on BBC1 Saturday evening prime time? I thought today was the start of 2011, not 1991 again.

Still, even if this is a throwback, it’s a pleasant one. There’s nothing wrong with a good bit of magic. In truth, it’s surprising magic has taken so long to resurface on television given the past decade’s glut of talent and variety shows. So the big question is whether it’s any good. And, well…